Freddy at Sagewalk

Freddy McConnel died in 2011.

Before his death he went to the wilderness program called Sagewalk, which were closed in 2009 due to a death in the program. He also entered a rehab facility in South Africa.

He had written his story before he died and parts of it was published in the British Newspaper Daily Mail online.

Here is a part of the article.

I arrived at the SageWalk office scared out of my wits. I was stripped of my belongings and clothes and given a bright orange uniform similar to those worn in prison. I was handcuffed, blindfolded and thrust into the back of an SUV for a two-hour drive into the Oregon desert where, with a large, heavy rucksack containing a sleeping bag, rice, lentils and farina (a sort of carbo¬hydrate gloop), a small tarpaulin, orange clothes and hiking boots, I was left in the ‘care’ of two of the hillbillies who accompanied us.

I at once refused to do anything they said and to my horror received a slap to the face. I told them that that was illegal but they ignored me and, as I further protested, one of them pushed me and I fell face- first to the ground, cutting my face and starting to bleed. I recall shrieking amid tears of anguish for my dad to save me but it was to no avail.

About a week into my stay, we were backpacking and there was a small rock face, maybe 10ft high, that we had to climb with our backpacks on. We had already hiked about five miles that day and I was feeling faint.

Halfway up, I lost consciousness for a second, or just lost my footing, and fell 5ft on to a rock. I landed back first and experienced an excruciating pain.

When I put my hand to my back to inspect the damage I felt a hot, thick trickle of blood. I asked for a doctor but received instead a kick to the ribs and an order to keep on hiking. The next break wasn’t for another mile-and-a-half. I have since seen doctors and had X-rays and it seems that it is a permanent injury. This makes me feel extremely bitter and upset.

There were no phones so I couldn’t talk to my parents and the letters were checked before we sent them so I couldn’t tell them what was happening.

I delayed telling my parents even after I was let out because there is a policy that if the child misbehaves within two years, they can be sent back for free.

The brutality continued for two months until I was set free. It was like being born again but I carried a huge amount of resentment.

Needless to say that what little trust was left in his parents, he was now afraid of them but the harsh treatment did not cure him of his addiction. It only postpones his abuse of drugs for some months because harsh treatment is not healing treatment.

Voluntary programs being run locally based on the need of the addicts is the answer, but that kind of information is hidden by the owners of residential programs.

Sadly the treatment he got was of no use and the world lost not only an 18 year old boy but also a very talented musician.

May his ordeal never be forgotten so youth with addictions can be helped in a decent manner.

Sources:

• How drugs snuffed out Freddy McConnel's brilliant young life - told in his own vividly moving words (The Daily Mail online)

Escape attempt from Second Nature Wilderness program

hahaha it's really embarassing (but mostly hilarious) to me now that I really did try to run away...from the middle of fucking nowhere, desert, UT.

I don't even have a really entertaining story, except for how crazy the girl I ran away with was.

Basically: We were crushing and sifting (everyone's favorite) one day, and because you had to go out a little ways to sift it, it was one of the only chances we got (at 2N duchesne, anyway) to talk out of staff earshot. So this other girl in my group who I was decent friends with, got there the same day as, essentially comes up to me and asks if i want to run away with her because she was going anyway.
Random, sure, but it's wilderness.

I'd only been there about 3 weeks at that point and still really hated it. and because I'm the master of good decisions (I mean, aren't most people that get sent to wilderness?), I said sure, why not, let's go.

So we quickly plotted that right before we were supposed to start hiking that day, one of us would "need" to go dig a cathole, and one of us was going to go pee. The other girl (I believe her name was Lauren) met up with me while I was pretending to dig my cathole with my handy little billy, and we took off running, probably no more than two hours after we first decided to run.

Obviously, this was a really smart idea, running off in the middle of the utah desert with no food and one nalgene of water. but again, I wasn't exactly at wilderness because of my responsible decision making skills.

After we had been gone two or three hours, we spotted one of those oil rigger trucks (people who went to duchesne probably know what I'm talking about).
So because this girl was PRETTY damn crazy, she decides that we're going to either knock this guy out with a big rock and steal his car...
or, if we couldn't find a rock big enough, she wanted to use my extra cordage i had in my pocket to fucking STRANGLE the guy.

Of course, at that point, I was not so enthusiastic about the whole deal anymore. I knew we were gonna get caught in the first place, and I really had just wanted some excitement.

Obviously i was NOT about to try to kill someone/get thrown in jail for stealing a car. after i told her i was not going along with her really bad and certifiably insane idea, she decided she'd just try to get him to give us a ride to SLC for sex.

No, i'm not kidding. of course i said that was also a really bad idea, but she went up to him (out of our hiding place in the bushes, literally) before I could talk her out of it.

I don't think she was as crazy as she wanted to seem, tho, because she made it incredibly obvious that we were from 2N from her story. so he goes into his truck and gets out his radio, and she tries to get me to run again. by that time i was bored, tired, and a little freaked out by this girl, so i refuse to run and just sit down.

lo and behold, 10, 15 minutes later--3 different trucks speed up. for those of you who knew KELLY (he gave us supplies for trailwork and also just randomly showed up on occasion...one badass man), he got out of his truck and promptly asked us (more like yelled loudly) what the fuck we were thinking. Followed by a fun string of more profanities and the like.

Well, that was in 2004 (september), and i still wouldn't have a good answer for the man. But it is kinda funny. sometimes I wonder what happened to that other girl. She was pretty fucking crazy, even though I'm convinced some of it was just an act. Of course, she got pulled from second nature her 5th or 6th week by her parents. THERE IS NO JUSTICE IN THE TREATMENT WORLD, I TELL YA.

but yeah...that's my "O'm retarded and ran away from wilderness" story.

(btw, I was in group 8 at second nature duchesne with ian, from september 1, 2004 through the end of october. If anyone was with me, let me know! I miss those girls!)

Sources:

• I survived wilderness (Facebook)
• Factsheet about the wilderness program (Fornits Wiki)

Escape attempts from Aspen Achievement Academy

In the Facebook group called I survived wilderness, the question was asked: Did you try to escape. Two former detainees from Aspen Achievement Academy replied This wilderness program was a notorious wilderness program which operated from 1988 to 2011. Suicide attempts, escapes and even deaths marked the years the program was operating.

Here is the first testimony from NSK:

I did. And i got away. I was at A.A.A. winter of 03' and i was there one night in G3. And on the first day i was there i saw some trucks and some work being done(i dont know what they were doing), anyway I was cold, and one day out of detox so I wanted to kill myself. I just started walking, then running.

I made it to the sight where these men were doing work with lots of trucks, well I just ran over, and jumped into a big truck. locked the doors, and(I will never forget).. there was DORITOS... Nutty Butters.....Mountain due.... and .... Marlboro Light cigarettes.. I sat and ate and smoked and drank as the workers were calling AAA.

Then a staff came and we got into a little fight, I thought i would rather be in jail then there. Well anyway she told me that if I got out of the truck I could write my mom. So that is what i did. But as most of you know, once you are stuck there you are there for good. And funny enough at the end i did not want to leave. It did help me become who i am today. I still talk to one girl who is also doing great. Hay if any one else went to AAA in the winter of 99 with a girl named XXXXX and you know how she is doing please let me know. well ok, now you know I TRIED TO RUN AWAY!!!!!

Another detainee - EC wrote:

Aspen Achievement Academy may 23rd 2007, My 16th birthday and I was mad as all hell. So mad I could not believe i was in rehab for my sweet sixteen, but I ran with a girl named XXX XXXXXX. I was in G2 and we made it 27 miles, we left right after ball bundles. We had converse and oh lord my feet have never hurt so bad. We were about a mile outside of town and got spotted and called in.

No one ever gets away from AAA. Ever. hahahah I thought I would be an exception.. naahhhh

I loved wilderness though. I miss it sometimes. I met my best friends there.

In 1996 an entire group ran away. While the two teenagers above didn't make it out as result of their escape attempt, they didn't die out there.

Sources:

• I survived wilderness (Facebook)
• Boy Flees Therapy Camp In S. Utah, Still Missing (Salt Lake Tribune - Newsbank)
• Factsheet about the wilderness program (Fornits Wiki)

David at Second Nature Wilderness program

Hello all, my parents sent me away when I was 15 for what I now believe to be a valid reason. I went to second nature utah for 8 weeks, and then to Caron, a 12 step based, 30 day RTC. Immediately fallowing Caron, I was sent to an all boys ranch in Tombstone, AZ called In Balance Ranch Academy, a long term work ranch which is centered around A.A. The stay at In Balance is a minimum of 10 months with the average stay around 16 months. I graduated from In Balance a day short of one year. I was away 15 months overall, I am now 17, I have been out of treatment for 8 months, and I am not sober.

Upon reading this information you may disregard what I write as biased, or you could decide that reading this is a waste of time. What do I know?, you may be right in either case. Since I am not sober, you may even regard me as a failure. You may stop reading, or you might continue reading my story, searching my treatment process for flaws, so that you wont make the same mistakes in treating your own children. I cannot blame you, for I have just listed my own preconceived notions about you readers; and I believe that your intentions are right, for you would be doing what you believe to be in your child’s best interest. However, I share this information so that you can at least trust my message as being an accurate perspective of a kid who has graduated from the kind of programs you are considering for your child, or that your child is currently attending.

I write this to those of you who have a child in wilderness or any sort of residential treatment, and to any parents considering sending their son or daughter away. You will never understand what it is like to get sent away, just as I (unless put in your position) will never know the pain of a parent witnessing their child destroying themselves with drugs.

I have listened to many parents reminisce over the wonderful times they spent with their child, before he/she started do drugs. Any of you, who are imagining this past relationship resuming or becoming a reality once your son or daughter has completed treatment, are due for an eye-opener. I cannot say whether treatment will be positive, negative, or “effective” for your child, but I will tell you that your child will never be the same, and your relationship with your son or daughter will never return to what it once was. I have not seen it from your perspective, but I would also imagine that a parent would never be the same after sending their child away, no matter what their motivation.

For better or for worse there will be change, especially in your child, but also in your family; and do believe that such a decision effects all family members, particularly the innocent sibling (for me my younger sister). There is only so much a parent can do for their child, and once you pull the plug, there is no going back. All I ask is that before you make any decisions, realize what a humungous step sending a child away is, and only proceed if you honestly believe that residential treatment is your only chance, and that such a huge chance is worth taking since life for you, your family, and especially for your child COULD NOT get any worse. If you truly believe this to be the case, do what you believe is right and do not allow yourself to be bullied by your child. If you do decide on treatment, do not at the absence of your child, allow yourself to be bullied by therapists, program owners, and ed consultants. Your child will attempt to manipulate and argue that they do not need treatment regardless of their condition, just like therapists and most other “professionals” will always argue that your child needs further treatment. Almost all parents will receive a letter from their child during their stay in wilderness which either describes their horrible conditions, appealing to pity, or pleading for forgiveness, or both. I wrote one, I’m sure many of you have received this same letter. Do not think they are lying or exaggerating for there is no need to, but their intent is clear. Either way the child is begging to return home. Other than this letter, which is edited and monitored by therapists there, parents have no contact with their children, and therapists provide all parents with the same basic updates, and statistics about further treatment options. These people may know more about addiction or treatment, but there is no one who knows more about about a child than his or her parent. Do not be swayed, make the choice that you believe to be right. Statistics can be manipulated to support any side, allow for some time to observe your child’s change in behavior, at home or after wilderness. Leave time to see how much progress your child makes. The threat of being sent away is often motivation enough, and don’t make the decision for long term treatment to quickly, a lot can be accomplished during 8 weeks in the woods.

I’ve heard some parents say that their child’s situation at home was one of “life and death”. This was not the case for me, however my parents gave me plenty of forewarning before sending me away and I ignored them. I know that my parents believed that what they were doing was making a sacrifice for my well being. I do not know if it all ended up being for my well being, but I know they were acting in what they believed to be my best interest, so I do not blame them. For a long time I hated them, and I thought that I would always hate them for it. Many of my good friends from treatment, sober or otherwise, still hold onto that resentment.

I will not go into the details of my drug use, or the many stories from my time away from home. Getting sent away was horrible, treatment in general was the worst thing I have ever experienced, but today I am a successful college student, I have a good relationship with my family, and I have many friends that I can trust. I do not know if I would be better off without having gone through treatment. My time away was awful and depressing, but I did a lot of things I never would have done, and met a lot of great people, many of whom (students and select sane staff members) I am still in contact with. I was completely sober for 15 months (i.e. no nicotine, alcohol, drugs, girls ect.), and I “relapsed” the night after graduating In Balance on alcohol and pot. (I put quotes around relapsed because I had no intention on staying sober after getting out so I wouldn’t really consider it relapsing). My parents are aware of my use, and during my time in treatment they were committed to me staying completely sober after graduating. Since then we have been through a lot and they have been very understanding. Today they judge my well being on how I am doing in general (school, work, life), and not on my drug use.

I have to admit that I am using as much, if not more frequently than I was before treatment, but I am certainly managing my life much better than I did before treatment. Treatment didn’t teach me the skills necessary to accomplish these things, I had them all along, its just that after going through it all, I realize that my life is pretty good, and to keep it that way I need to take care of my responsibilities. Sometimes I feel detached and disconnected from kids who haven’t been through the things that I have. I feel much more mature now, and less naive, but also much less innocent, and often times unhappy. I do not know if treatment was for better or worse, but either way I do not regret it in the least. Nor do I regret my drug use, each has made me who I am today, and I am happy with who I am today.— for those of you who simply scrolled to the end of this long explanation the main point of it is; do not send your child away unless you have exhausted every other possibility, unless you are willing to risk permanently losing your relationship with your child. you should only exercise this option if you believe that it is the only possibility you have to save your son or daughters life.

Sources:

• Comment to the article Transitioning from Second Nature Wilderness Therapy Program
• Factsheet about In Balance Academy from Fornits Wiki
• Factsheet about Second Nature wilderness program from Fornits Wiki

Stacey at SUWS

This story was originally written on the message board called the Fornits Home for Wayward Webfora. All rights goes to the original author known as Stacey

----
Hi, my name is stacey and im 15 years old. I am a SUWS Idaho survivor.

I was sent there in October of 2001 and graduated three weeks later on October 31. A day later I arrived at Mount Bachelor Academy in Oregon.

I had an ok experience with suws. It is a very unique program. The first night you arrive you are placed in a group with about 7-9 other kids boys and girls and two instructors are assigned to each group.

On the first week you cannot talk to anyone in your group not even the instructors unless you are spoken to. you are given assignments to put up traps,make a bow drill set and other outdoorish things. Each group is assgined to a "Field Supervisor" who is the one person in contact with the parents or guardians of every kid in the group.

On the second week this person come and visits the group at whatever site they happen to be at that day. he has a one hour session with each kid individually. On the first night of the second week we get moved up into "family phase" where you are allowed to talk to your peers and actually get to sit by the fire to eat your dinner with everyone else as opposed to sitting by yourself in the cold eating near your sleeping bag. The menu consists of oatmeal with no flavoring for breakfast, one slice of pita bread with peanut butter on it for lunch and rice and lentils for dinner. If every bite is not eaten you receive a consequence like staying in the desert for an extra week.

At the end of the first week we all went on solo, which is where we go out into a huge field and all get assigned to a tent which is very secluded from the tents of the other kids. for three days straight you stay in your tent and dont leave it unless it is to use the bathroom the instructors will bring you yuor food without speaking to you and if you have your 3 traps set up you get rewarded with a loaf of bread ( which is heaven, when you havent seen anything edible for 2 weeks)The third week you become the search and rescue team of the desert and are supposedly officialy "on call". We do cpr training and other emergency training.

About two days before we are supposed to leave we get a call on the radio saying that there are two runaways from another group and we have to k=hike out into the desert to find them when we do there is one girl laying on the floor complaing of a hurt skull we do everything we are trained to do and then at the end we are told that it is a simulation and we did very well. Every single person from my suws group went on to a emotional growth boarding school including me.

What made the program so hard was probably the conditions in which we were living and the fact that we had no contact with our family except for 2 letters at the most. We hiked about 3-7 miles a day which was extremely difficult when your carrying a 70 lbs pack on your back and only weigh 100 lbs.It didnt help that the instructors were hostile and uncaring and most of the kids are completely depressed and sinical about everything. For the most part i would say it was a good experience for me and it was definetly a rude awakening but i wouldnt wish it upon my worst enemy and would die before having to repeat it myself.

In memorandum:
Gregory Owen Jones and Rocco Magliozzi who never made it home from SUWS but died during their stay at this wilderness program.

Sources:

• Factsheet about SUWS on Fornits Wiki
• The original testimony on the Fornits Home for Wayward Web Fora
• Rocco D. Magliozzi - 2006 (Today a child died blog)
• Gregory Owens Jones - 1985 (Today a child died blog)

New film-project: Incident(s) At Paradise Bay

We have learned about a film-project related to the topics in this blog.

Where do the teenagers being transported end up and how are they treated?

In the film-project some of these questions will be answered.

You can support the film-project with your money. Today we see the result of the 90's tough reform schools and 3-strike politics. The tragedies have affected many families.

Any additional information which can inform the world about what took place will properly prevent similar tragedies in countries slowly adapting the methods used in the United States because they only see the marketing which was aired back. There is very little information offered about all those teenagers who lost their lives during their stay or took their lives because they found themselves too emotional damaged due to their experiences during their stay.

For more information you can consult the homepage of the film-project.

Link: Incident(s) At Paradise Bay

GONE 14 MONTHS. home. 2yr aniv.

This statement was given on a Myspace blog. All rights belong to the original author.

I never blog.
I figured that today was a day worth it. Well today.. as in the date. June 23rd. Except for the fact that it was two years ago... and it was a Thursday. But a one time a year, June 23rd none the less.

Sunday, December 31, 2006
..> ..>
my story. and thanks to 2006<3

If you have been wondering about where I was for the fifteen months I "dissapeared" and you have the patience.. read on.

Thanks to friends etc on the bottom.

<3
I don't really know where to begin or where to end this. Considering I was in an all girls level three lockdown boarding school at this time last year, I guess I have a combined of 2005 and 2006. Things were hard. I was in an amazing relationship when I first left home in June of 2005. I had been with him for a while and I guess I would consider him my first love. Combined with my lack of motivation and ambition when it came to things I had always loved such as sports and spending time with my family, as well as dropping out of highschool, I was going down hill fast and my parents knew they had to do something to help me.

So I had been staying with my friends family, considering the circumstances of my home life, and my parents one day asked me to return home. I had been there for two weeks and then my family decided we were going to go to Arizona for vacation. Everything was cool, I packed, stayed up all night (considering we were leaving at 5am) and waited for my boyfriend to come say goodbye to me before he rushed off to work bright and early. It's crazy how you can seem to remember such vivid details on the days you would rather forget. I remember what I was wearing. A white wife beater with red gym shorts, no makeup on, drinking a capri sun sport. (The yellow kind) I had been downloading music all morning talking to Kyle Scaletta til 5am on the computer. I wrote my boyfriend a cute letter to give to him. So my boyfriend came over. He didn't want to kiss me in front of my parents while they were packing the car, his attempt at being a gentleman, so I begged my dad to let him kiss me. He agreed. He was wearing a white shirt with old white pants his dc hat and older shoes... such vivid details.

As I got in the backseat of our suburban and we pulled out of the driveway, I watched him walk to his car. For some reason I remember listening to seven years (saosin) and just crying as I watched him get into it. I didn't realize at the time why, but I soon understood why.

I guess, because of staying up all night, the exhaustion had caught up with me. I fell asleep quickly. I remember getting up out of the car to eat something at Burger King. Then we got back into the car and I fell asleep again. We were supposed to taking a trip to Arizona, but later I found out that not only had I been sleeping while we passed the Arizona Utah border, but I had also been sleeping long enough for my parents to set the time back on our car clock so nothing seemed fishy about driving so long on just an Arizona trip.

We arrived in some hick town. I saw the gas station and I had to use the restroom badly. We had parked in some sort of parking lot, abandoned looking, but not quite, and I darted across the street. My dad looked at me and went and grabbed me and told me to use the restroom in the building they were going in. He grabbed me with fear in his eyes. I should have realized it right then. My parents told me they were just going to grab some brochures, and I asked the lady at the front desk if I could use their restroom. As she grabbed my arm (I began to grow weary) and brought me into the backroom. She handed me a small cup and told me to pee in it.

She pushed me into the restroom. I looked all around the restroom trying to figure out what the hell was going on. I paced back and forth. The door had no lock and the side door on this old house which was now a business building, had been boarded up. I looked at a large sign on the side of the wall which read "Aspen Achievement Academy." I threw the cup inside the bag and tossed it on the ground.

As the lady ran into the restroom to make sure it didn't come out, I darted for the door. It was locked, outside in. It was one of those classroom doors with the small rectangular window on the upper right side. I saw her face, pale. She was balling and I was screaming. I had no idea what the fuck was going on and I didn't have any desire to stick around and find out. My sister and brother were sitting in the car, and my entire book of poetry was in there as well. I just wanted to say goodbye to my fucking sister. That's all I wanted! I was kicking screaming balling. Anything I could do. I had no idea where I was and I just wanted to say goodbye. My friends had no idea where I was. My boyfriend had no idea where I was. I just wanted to say goodbye to him. That's all I wanted. (Here I go crying again...)

After a few minutes my eyes were so swollen I could barely see out of them. The lady took my blood (my biggest fear) missing the first two times. I looked back out the window on the door and saw the empty window no longer filled with my parents faces. I felt so alone. After that they took me out the the back room where I met up with a girl who had arrived just a few minutes after me. There they had us strip down. Squat and cough. The whole deal. They dealt us out our 10 granny pannies that we had to make deal with for the entire time we spent there. We had to take out all of our piercings. They gave us long johns, one thermol, three plain blue t's (the aspen uniform) green wool pants, cacky cargo pants, converse and hiking boots.

They took us out onto the field. Here is the confusing part to follow along. So the facts. We were in hicktown Utah, and they drove us in an old beaten up truck for two hours out into the wilderness of Utah. They dropped us off there.

Two/three staff which change every wednesday, and on average 8-10 girls per group. 4 levels. mouse, coyote, buffalo, and eagle. Mouse is the transition level when you arrive out on the field (there phrase for when you are pushed against your will into the wilderness of Utah) on average it takes two days to move up to coyote, which is when you can eat real food, and talk to the other girls in your group. Until then you are just a bystander, silently watching the other girls. It took me five days. I was stubborn. You only have to be on level two (coyote) to graduate, and each level that you move up to has more priveledges, but more requirements as well. I made it to coyote. And I spent the lot of my 8 weeks at Aspen Achievement Academy on coyote.

It isn't easy. On average hiking 5-6 miles a day. This isn't your treadmill 5-6 miles. This is your up moutains, puffing your inhaler every 10 minutes 5-6 miles.

Sleeping outside every night, under a tarp, with only your sleeping bag to keep you warm. You only slept as good as you attached your tarp to the tree. If it was raining and it flew off, you either tuffed it out or got out in the freezing cold to fix it. You had to bust a fire with sage on sage, or you ate cold. (which usually consisted of oatmeal no sugar=] )

Thursday is graduation day, which means the girls that were going to graduate soon left on Thursday, they met up with all the other graduates from the other twelve groups out on the field (no the girl groups never saw the guy groups, let alone any other group) then on sunday the parents would come out and stay til graduation on Tuesday, where the kids reunited with their parents and showed them everything they had learned while they had been out on the field.

I was there for almost eight weeks, but the time it takes you to graduate just depends on the progress you make. My therapist at AAA, I hated with a passion. My parents were hoping that I would learn my lesson during my eight weeks, and regain my ambition for life, and I could return home. My Therapist convinced them that "I was like wet cement and needed to set" so my parents made the decision to send me to a boarding school named Copper Canyon Academy, in Rimrock, Arizona. I was first convinced this program was a 3-6 month program, but later came to find out that most girls who graduated, did so in about 14-16 months. This hit me like a bullet.

I was in highschool. Missing my entire sophmore year, and it was probable i would be there through junior year as well? fresh summer, soph year, soph summer, and junior year? I just couldn't comprehend, or understand, what I had done to bring my life to this. I knew I had made mistakes, and I realized a lot of my wrong doing during my stay at Aspen, but still. 16 months? Wow.

When I first came to CCA. They had one house for highschool girls (about 35) and a junior high campus on the other side of town. (much smaller) They were building two new houses on a huge lot of land they had about 500 feet from the house we were currently living in, and they were planning on making the two new houses for the highschool girls, selling the house on the other side of town, and moving the junior high girls into the one we were currently living in. There were four levels, just like the other program, but much different. We had strict uniforms, pants no more than an inch under your belly button, cacky or blue bottoms, pleated skirts only. no shorter than two inches above your knee. Level ones wore red shirts, level two wore blue, three wore maroon, and four wore green. These shirts were all shirts that had been previously used by other girls at the school. You had seven shirts, and had to do your laundry once a week. You could also be on probation which meant you still wore the color of the level you were on, but had the priveledges of the level before. There was staff buddy, which wore a green highlighter shirt, and had to be two feet from staff at all time. You usually got this as a result of self mutilation, or attempting to run. (You are probably wondering why I didn't try? No one ever got away. The school had private detectives.) Even Mexico couldn't save you.

There was also the "silence vest" you know those bright orange things that crossing guards wear? If you were caught gossipping you had to wear this silence vest for twenty four hours. This meant no looking at ANY OTHER PERSON at the school in the eyes, unless they were an adult and you were simply asking them for direction. Crazy huh...

You could not only go on probation for your level, but also get dropped. Every Tuesday we voted for whether or not people should move up to the next level, but people could also get dropped if they had shown through with one of their old non-working behaviors (manipulation, stealing, lying, cheating etc.) I never got dropped, but I spent close to four months on level one due to my lack of motivation. I kept my head on strong once I reached level two and kept working my entire time there. Because of financial issues (the eight grand a month started to wear on my parents) they decided to pull me from the program a month early of graduation. I needed to start a new school, because I would not be allowed to return to Rancho High School, and they wanted me to spend a month at home before school, as well as go see my grand parents in Oregon. I left CCA on July 29,2006. I came home August 1, 2006, after spending some time with my family in Arizona.

Although I didn't go into depth on the emotional issues and problems I encountered during my stay at AAA and CCA, it was extremely intense. All of this is a soft spot for me and I usually don't like to go into much detail with people, because it's tougher for me to relive it all then many of you could fathom. Now I'm at home, and although I have relapsed on a few of the things that had me down before all of this, I have quickly picked myself back up. I am doing extremely well in every facet of my life, and am simply enjoying it!

Source: GONE 14 MONTHS. home. 2yr aniv. (Myspace blog)