torsdag den 8. september 2011

Reflections and outlook learned during a therapy stay (From:Myspace)

Most participants in wilderness programs dislike the stay in a wilderness program while they are in it, but years later when they are adults, life experience may produce a more sophisticated outlook on life. On of the former participants in the wilderness program Sagewalk wrote a blog-entry back in 2006 where he states some of his viewpoint on the society and life as an young adult. All rights belong to the author.

I don't know what all the sudden made me wanna start typing all this shit down but I guess its because of all the BULLSHIT that's going on with me right now .It has to do mostly about being the person you wanna be. For people like me It's almost impossible. When I say people like me I mean people who really just don't give a fuck. People who like to smoke, drink, pop, snort, whatever way intrigue them. It's much more clear inside my head .the only way I can think of explaining it is this. Think about when people say that they hate fakes now bare with me cause It's going to get a bit confusing. Say I want to smoke and drink the things I really love to do everything else is just an occasional thing or something ive done and am over with. This is what happened to me a while ago which started all the BULSHIT that's going on right now.

I got way to drunk in Pittsburgh and for some reason ended up passed out on the sidewalk a few blocks down from a party I was at was. Now by this point I had already blacked out and don't remember shit that happened the rest of the night. So what your about to read is all stuff that was told to me by my friends or parents. Two cops who I guess were on their way to break up the party I was at see me passed out on the sidewalk and come wake me up to see what's going on. As soon as they wake me up I'm yelling and swearing pushing them off me and just a bunch of BULLSHIT. So they arrest me for being drunk in public and take to the station where I wait to get picked up by my parents.

As soon as I get home with my parents I start to try and get out of every door window anything I could just because I didn't want to be home. I ended up wrestling with my dad for about 25 minutes until I finally get out of the house now while I was fighting with my dad my mom had called the cops and they just so happened to show up just as I get out so I start jetting down my street until my shoe fell of which slowed me down enough for them to catch up and tackle me to the ground. I need up getting arrested for being drunk in public and resisting arrest. This all happened sometime early July.

Now months and months later I'm on probation for 6 months. But on top of that for the past 9 months my parents have been on my nuts about drinking and smoking as well. When I found out I might be getting put on probation I saw kind of a bright side. I figured shit maybe my parents will lay the fuck off and let probation take car of me. But I was way wrong now my parents are even more uptight because they don't want to se me go to juvi which is a bullshit excuse to keep on bugging me about fallowing rules and shit. Because just the other night I went out without telling my parents. When I came back they were pissed and started saying shit like I violated my probation. I responded saying "no I didn't because they don't know about it and there not gonna find out either". So later that night I was chillin in my garage watchin t.v. And laying on the couch and my mom comes in and says " next time you do that I'm calling the cops myself and you'll be gone" which makes the whole "we don't wanna see you get sent away again" line a bunch of BULLSHIT.

Oh and she said "again" because a long while ago my parents sent me to a wilderness program called sagewalk for 67 days. So I know they don't have a problem with sending me away.

Now back to the whole being who you wanna be thing. Sorry theirs just so much going through my mind right now its hard to concentrate and stay focused but all this stuff ties into what I'm trying to say somehow. I don't think its possible to be who you really wanna be because of all the laws I mean think about it if you do something someone doesn't approve of you get punished for it. And the punishment just gets harsher and harsher each time. With all the laws that there are its ridiculous they're trying to make everyone fallow the some way of living. Your born you grow up going to school with you parents pushing you to get good grades and graduate. Then you get a job that you get stuck doing forever unless you catch a break and get rich quick. Then after you get a job you get married and get a house and have kids whom you raise and teach to live the same BULLSHIT way you lived because that's the way America thinks is the best way to live life. I know that not everyone lives this way that would be impossible. But its what they want you to do and how they want you to live don't ask me why. Cause Ill just keep it simple and tell you because they a bunch of dickfuckin bitches. I hate all of that BULLSHIT I just wanna live young and say fuck you to everyone and everything trying to stop me. Now this isn't logical but shit why not do your best to try. I know tons of parents/adults who bitch and whine all day about going to work and paying bills and blah blah blah all saying have fun while you're a kid don't grow up with a lil chuckle at the end. Then you go out get drunk and smoke some pot and their lecturing you about school and getting a job and being more mature. Fuckin wake up you air headed fagots I'm jus trying to have some fun incase as I get older I get sucked into the same mess your in walking around with stick up your ass never getting laid and being bossed around by other dickfucks who got trapped in the life that is suppose to be fallowed by everybody. So really you cant be who you wanna be…. I cant be who I wanna be. Just a kid who wants to – GET DRUNK, GET HIGH, AND GET LAID-. So everyone who feels the same way just keep having fun and doing what you're doing but be smart about it. Because now I'm stuck on probation for 6 months fallowing rules like a bitch. Well I could go on for days but I'm gonna stop with this last lil thing

The original blog-testimony on Myspace